So I'm kind of hating 16 year olds right now. Not because in general they have perfect skin, nary a hint of cottage cheese on their thighs, glossy hair they don't have to color every 4 weeks and none of those errant chin hairs (when did I start producing too much testosterone - and more importantly, why??). No, I'm hating them because when they finally get to my age, they will have at their disposal pills and potions that keep them STILL looking 16 years old. Like a pill that can make you tan, horny and thin all in one go. You think I'm making that up? Think again.
A VERY happy accident
In the mid-'80s a research team at the sun-drenched University of Arizona was working on skin cancer prevention. Instead of slathering sun blocks on the outside, the researchers were searching for protection from the inside out, to enhance the body's own ability to generate a safe, slow tan. Team Arizona, which included endocrinologist Mac Hadley, dermatologist Norman Levine, and pharmacology research Robert Dorr discovered a synthetic hormone a thousand times stronger than the body's own tanning triggers. They called it Melanotan I and later Melanotan II and began testing it on a group of men.
The research team hoped to create a safe, protective tan for users without damaging sunlight. But the golden tan wasn't the only reason the research subjects were glowing.
According to Dr. Dorr, "Even at the very low starting dose of Melanotan II, every subject had an erection." You mean like, constantly?
Rather than simple vascular stimulation, like Viagra, Melanotan apparently directly stimulates the hypothalamus in the brain. So instead of tackling the mechanics of impotence, Melanotan could potentially jump-start desire. And not just in men. On Melanotan, female lab rodents tripled their levels of courtship behavior. (Not sure what that would be for rodents, but I assume it has nothing to do with pedicures, hair-tossing or flirtatious text messages.)
But it gets even better.
"After about 10 days of taking Melanotan II, I lost about 10 pounds," said Hadley, who joined the clinical trial after the testers began reporting promising results.
The Melanotan molecule also targets an appetite-suppression receptor in the body which "causes short term feelings of fullness or nausea," according to Dorr, "You could theoretically get tanned and have a lot of erectile activity and you might actually start to lose weight." Wowser! I don't know which one I want first!
Don't get too excited...
Unfortunately, I (and you) may have to wait awhile before we can fill a prescription at the local Walgreen's.
Several pharmaceutical companies are now developing customized drugs based on Melanotan II, but each firm is focusing on different aspects of the drug's benefits.
Clinuvel, an Australian biotechnology company, (formerly EpiTan), is working on a version of the drug designated as CUV 1647. Currently in clinical trials in Europe, the UK and Australia, the company is testing the preventative treatment of UV-related skin disorders, and for cancer therapy. CUV 1647 stimulates the body's production of melanin and provides protection when UV-radiation occurs. CUV 1647 is administered as an injectable, dissolvable implant. Increased pigmentation appears a few days after injection, and lasts up to several months. The drug duplicates the tanning process, except without sunlight. (Just so you know, it's not BEING tan that's dangerous, but GETTING tan. Ironically, people who work outdoors and see the sun every day are at low risk for skin cancer. And the faster you get tan, the worse it is).
As U.S. company called Palatin Technologies is working on the sexy end of the equation. I guess that just shows you were our priorities lie...
In any case, the company is formulating a nasal spray, known as Bremelanotide (formerly PT 141), which would boost the sex drive of men and women without any of the cardiovascular side effects of current drugs like Viagra. Administered via a nasal spray, the drug is already in clinical trials. Down the road, Palatin will also be exploring melanocortin compounds to compound obesity as well (our other great national obsession).
But I can buy it online, can't I?
I have to admit, the prospect of getting something now that could make me bronzed, buff and bellaca all in one go gets me pretty excited. Well, not excited in THAT way, but you know what I mean.
All you have to do is search for "PT-141" or "Melanotan II" online and numerous sites pop up offering these drugs for sale today. What's up with that? These substances haven't been fully tested nor have they been approved by the FDA, and besides companies like Palatin and Clinuvel own patents. So how can this be?
Ohhhh, well if you want something for "research purposes" you can buy it. One of these sites, called Tan Research actually shows what I assume to be one of their lab technicians on the homepage (in red thong bikini). This company sells both "PT-141" or "Melanotan II" along with the bacteriostatic water you need for reconstituting and injecting this stuff. Can't seem to find an address or phone number for the company anywhere, but in the "Terms of Use" section it says, "ALL products and services offered are for RESEARCH purposes ONLY. Under no circumstances shall/should any of these materials be used for recreational purposes nor human consumption! Buyer acknowledges that the products have not been tested by supplier for safety and efficacy in food, drug, and medical device, cosmetic, commercial or any other use." Yeah, that makes me feel better.
I even found a spreadsheet on a different site comparing various Melanotan II suppliers with information on what to do if your shipment is seized by customs (most of the manufacturers are in China or Hong Kong - or from "anonymous" labs in the US). I don't know about you, but there's no way in heck I would order something from an anonymous lab and then inject it into myself. But then I was never a fan of heroin either.
I contacted Clinuvel to ask how companies like this can sell these products. According to Kate Liscombe, Clinuvel's Marketing and PR Manager, the products are completely unlicensed and unregulated, and the company is "currently taking legal action with the help of global regulators, such as the FDA, against the companies selling illegal products that may be promoted or solicited to act similar to Clinuvel's drug in development CUV1647."
As always, there are two things you need to remember. Buyer beware, and if something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
So for the moment, I shall have to continue being pasty, lumpy and disinterested until the FDA and pharmaceutical companies can finish their testing. But I must say, I have high hopes for the future. I just hope I'm still around to enjoy it.
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