Remember how you freaked out and bought a year's worth of wrinkle cream on your 25th birthday because you thought you were "sooooooo oooooold"? And how you feel like you're going to shrivel up and die if the bartender doesn't ask to see some ID? Well, imagine trying to blow out 122 candles on your birthday cake, or having lived during three centuries. Now that's old. The old-timers on this list aren't just elderly - they're practically antiques. And though having the title as the "world's oldest person" is often the most short-lived (pardon the pun) gig one can possibly have, these golden oldies still put the Energizer Bunny to shame.
Edna Parker, 114
The reigning champ of the elderly? One Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Indiana. After the August 2007 death of Japan's Yone Minagawa, the 114-year-old Parker was deemed by Guinness to be the world's oldest person, and she's still hanging in there (knock on wood).
According to The Indianapolis Star, Parker suggested that people would enjoy longer lives "if they weren't so anxious." Fun fact: Parker resides in Indiana's Heritage House Convalescent Center, home to one Sandy Allen (aka the world's tallest woman).
Tomoji Tanabe, 112
At 112 years old, Japan's Tomoji Tanabe is the world's oldest living man, and according to MSNBC.com, he's holding onto to that recognition with all his might. The Associated Press reports that Tanabe avoids cigarettes and alcohol, and maintains a healthy diet.
"I don't want to die," Tanabe told reporters when he received his Guinness certificate. If it's any solace, his predecessor, Emiliano Mercado Del Toro of Puerto Rico, reached the age of 115.
Jeanne Calment, 122
According to WorldsOldestPeople.info, French-born Jeanne Calment earned the Guinness title of "World's Oldest Person Ever" in 1995, at the ripe old age of 120 years and 238 days. (She didn't look a day over 110, though.) Born in 1875, Calment lived to the age of 122, finally passing away in 1997. During her extraordinary life Calment claimed to have met Vincent Van Gogh and even attended Victor Hugo's funeral in 1885.
Perhaps Calment's longevity is due to the fact that she did not have to work, and instead enjoyed a leisurely, affluent lifestyle and activities like tennis, swimming, and, improbably, roller skating.
Shigechiyo Izumi, 120
The Guinness Book of Records cites Shigechiyo Izumi as the oldest man who ever lived. Izumi, born on an island southwest of Japan in 1865, died in 1986 at the age of 120 years and 237 days. According to Guinness, Izumi credited his good health to "God, Buddha and the Sun." Considering that he worked until age 105 (gulp), started smoking at age 70, and drank Sho-chu, he might have been right.
Yone Minagawa, 114
Though Yone Minagawa of Japan was named the world's oldest living person in early 2007, she sadly did not hold the title long. The Los Angeles Times reports that the 114-year-old woman died of - you guessed it - old age in August. Born in 1893, Minagawa credited her longevity to "sensible eating and plenty of sleep," the paper says.